One year ago,the speech has given by Barack Obama stilled ringing in our ears:'we need change' and 'yes,we can'. Nowaday,the world has not changed yet,the crises in the USA have not solved,the situation is still not ooptimistically.Can Barack Obama fulfill his destinies and save the United States in this difficult period?Is there a joke or a legend in the USA?
Obama's domestic policies have two main aspects: First of all , to provide jobs for the people who out of work,and stressed repeatedly that created the opportunity of jobs was the best way to save the American economy;second,let the citizens in the USA could own the healthy insurance.Then,he introduced the economic plan,which also achieved some positive results so far.Such as the economy of the US has grown 3.5% ,could be a little better than before.
However,according to data released by the White House,so far, so much money have given by the govement is going to create 640 thousands jobs,but the amount of people who lost their job from the crisis are millions.It would cost 160 thousands of dollars to provide a job,it obviously is not worth to do it.On the other, there are two main issues in the U.S. health care system:one is millions of people in the United States without healthy insurance;another one is the costs of healthy insurance is too high.It causes a huge dispute in the USA and even led some people to protest on the street.
In addition,Obama proposed the idea of a world without nuclear world, many people thought that would be too naive. It would take a long time to do this.But it's worth to mention is that the troops of the USA will withdraw gradually from Iraq,the suitation would change to a positive way.In such a difficult time to be the leader of the strongest country in te world is not an easy thing.We will wait and see whether he is able to lead the United States to a new future or not.
Shen Li
Hi Shen,
ReplyDeleteA very interesting report on the current situation with regard to Obama. You give a balanced view and consider some of the different sides of the situation, although it would be better if you put forward your own opinions a little more clearly perhaps. Overall, however, the content is excellent and very readable.
In terms of writing, this is a well-structured piece with an engaging introduction (nice questions at the end of the intro), solid paragraphs, some good linking and an appropriate conclusion which looks to the future. Good stuff.
Here are a few tips to improve for next time:
- 'the speech WHICH WAS GIVEN...' (the passive grammar).
- 'the crises in the USA have not BEEN solved' (again the passive)
- In this section, it's better not to use the colon (:) and semi-colon (;). Just use full-stops instead:
'Obama's domestic policies have two main aspects: First of all , to provide jobs for the people who out of work,and stressed repeatedly that created the opportunity of jobs was the best way to save the American economy;second,let the citizens in the USA could own the healthy insurance.'
- Use present perfect when you want to talk about an ongoing situation:
'Then,he introduced the economic plan,which HAS also ACHIEVED some positive results so far'
- 'such as' is better after a comma:
'...,such as the economy of the US has grown 3.5% ,could be a little better than before'
- You also sometimes need to separate your ideas better Shen. For example:
'..., such as the economy of the US growing 3.5%. This could be a little better than previously' (I broke it into 2 sentences).
- 'money WHICH WAS given by the govement is going to create 640 thousands jobs'
- Again, you need to separate and link ideas a bit better:
'It would cost 160 thousands of dollars to provide a job, WHICH obviously is not worth DOING'
- 'On the other HAND,...'
- 'THERE ARE millions of people in the United States without HEALTH insurance'
- 'the idea of a world without nuclear weapons, WHICH many people thought would be too naive'
- 'the situation would BE A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION'
A very nice piece of work. I look forward to reading more from you during the rest of the term.